


Farewells

by shackalacklargebottom



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-11
Updated: 2017-09-11
Packaged: 2018-12-26 16:38:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12062928
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shackalacklargebottom/pseuds/shackalacklargebottom
Summary: "Padfoot,” Remus tried, reaching out one shaking hand and lightly stroking the dog over one ear. The dog wrenched its shoulders, threw back its head, and let loose a long, drawn out howl of grief. The lines of its body blurred; it stretched and grew, and in a split second Sirius Black stood, shaking and crying silently, over the grave of his best mate, with Remus’ hand pressed between his shoulder blades.





	Farewells

The rickety carriage ground itself to a stop on the dusty cobblestone path winding through the trees and towards the castle. It appeared to travel of its own accord, although the lone traveler it met approached cautiously, sensing this was not the case. The warm wind rushed through the leaves, bringing with it a faint smell of earth and the nearby lake. Squinting up in the direction of the castle one last time, the man heaved a heavy sigh. The traveler’s hair was light brown, flecked with grey; his eyes too, were brown, with a heavy, tired cast to them; his robes were shabby and patched and darned in several places. As he tossed his small, battered case into the seat beside him, the gold-embossed letters on the corner caught the sunlight for a moment and glinted:  _Professor R.J. Lupin_.

            Remus Lupin rested his head on the seat behind him and closed his eyes wearily. Within the last 24 hours, he’d discovered the truth behind James and Lily Potter’s murders, revealed Peter Pettigrew as a spy and a traitor, undergone the painful transformation from man to werewolf, nearly attacked a group of students, woken up bleeding and naked in the Forbidden Forest, been exposed as a werewolf over breakfast and lost his job.

            He was getting too old for this.

            As the carriage bounced and jolted into motion again, Remus was thrown headlong into a memory…

             _He was sitting in the same seat he occupied now._ _The carriage was jostling along, away from the castle. Peter sat across from him; the end of his pinched, mousy little nose was wriggling, and he glanced eagerly from side to side, drinking in the conversation as though it were water, and he, a dying man in the desert. To Peter’s left was James, jet-black hair untidier than ever after a school-year without a haircut, glasses slightly askew as the carriage recoiled yet again. He was chatting animatedly about the last Quidditch match of the season with Sirius, who sat to Remus’ right. Sirius’ long dark hair fell across his forehead and into his pale eyes, crinkled with mirth at the corners. Remus watched in amusement as James grew more and more excited, and Sirius cool smirk grew broader. Every so often James would trail off into a long, drawn-out rant, and Sirius would catch Remus’ sidelong glance and roll his eyes. The inside of the carriage seemed to grow warmer and warmer, and surely it was the bouncing mode of travel that was giving Remus such butterflies? As they neared the train station, Remus realized with a sharp pang that this was likely the last time he’d see Sirius, or anyone for that matter, for three months; Sirius’ hand was resting casually on Remus’ knee…_

Sirius Black. It’d been twelve long years since they’d seen each other, twelve years that had taken their toll on them both. Sirius’ once handsome face, turned gaunt and waxy; his eyes had lost their wicked gleam, turned cold and hungry; his lustrous hair matted and turned coarse; his broad shoulders and strong body turned into an emaciated, skeletal shell of a man. Now Sirius was on the run, escaped on the back of a stolen, condemned hippogriff. Remus cracked one eye open lazily and the corner of his mouth twitched upwards. Sirius had never been a fan of subtle gestures.

Sirius Black, murderer of thirteen people with a single curse… No, never. Remus always privately carried that grain of disbelief inside him. The Sirius Black he knew was more likely to murder thirteen puddings at a single sitting. The tide of relief had slowly been washing over Remus since before moonrise the night before. Sirius was innocent. He had martyred himself, spent twelve years in Azkaban for a crime he hadn’t committed, mourned the death of his closest friend in silence, and he was innocent…

Where was he headed? Remus wondered. The carriage had finally stopped. The train platform was just ahead, where the Hogwarts Express was laying in wait for the journey back to King’s Cross in just a few days’ time. White steam billowed up and into the sky…

 _Remus was standing alone on the platform as the shrill whistle of the Hogwarts Express pierced his ears._   _They had just left their compartment and gathered their belongings; Peter had run to his mother at once, who immediately began admonishing him. They were too far away for Remus to hear, but there was no mistaking the defeated slump of Peter’s shoulders or the seething glare Mrs. Pettigrew was treating him to. James and Sirius had gone off to meet the Potters; Sirius would be staying with James over the summer. Mrs. Potter was fussing over James, picking lint from his cardigan and straightening his hair with her fingers. Mr. Potter gave Sirius a firm handshake, then turned his attention to James. Sirius looked over his shoulder and spotted Remus, yards away, standing alone. He punched James playfully in the shoulder, then loped across the platform._

_“Write me soon, eh, Moony?” Sirius grinned. “James ‘n I’ll need your positive influence, otherwise we’re bound to do something incredibly stupid.”_

_“You’re bound to do something incredibly stupid, no matter what I say about it,” Remus chuckled quietly, looking straight into Sirius’ grey eyes. Was it normal, he wondered, to want to brush the wandering black lock of Sirius’ hair out of them?_

_James called from across the platform. Sirius looked back once, turned to Remus, said, “Gotta run, Moons,” and pulled Remus into a tight embrace. They broke apart. Sirius hurried back across the platform. Remus’ breath hitched in his chest, his cheeks and lips were burning and he didn’t know why…_

The summer Sirius had stayed at the Potters’ house… The Potters’ house. The idea hit Remus like a bolt of lightning, and suddenly he was dead sure where Sirius would be. He had to act fast. It wouldn’t be easy catching up to a man on the run.

He turned on his heel and vanished.

***************************************************************

The sleepy streets of Godric’s Hollow were empty by the time Remus arrived, the sun only minutes away from setting. As he paced down the deserted street, he was regaled with ever-more familiar sights. A left here… Another left…. Now a right… Down to the end of the block…

James’ and Lily’s battered and disheveled house rose before him, a monument in its ruined state to the Potters and the downfall of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named. Remus placed his hands gently on the wrought iron gate, thick with a coating of patchy rust.

 _Remus slowly drew open the creaking gate, smiling at the warmth of the firelight twinkling at him through the windows of the Potters’ cottage._   _He rapped on the door with his knuckles and smiled wider still when James jerked the door open._

_“Remus!” he cried, beaming, briefly embracing him._

_“Sorry I’m late, James. You know how it is, last night and all…”_

_“Not to worry, Remus.” James said soberly. “Harry’s not one to judge, especially not someone with your furry little problem.”Remus grinned then, and stepped over the threshold and into the Potters’ home._

_“Remus!” Lily exclaimed, as James disappeared into the next room. She stood at the foot of the stairs, as if she were just about to ascend them. She laughed and stepped forward to meet him, kissing him lightly on the cheek._

_“I thought Harry might like this,” Remus said, holding out a square, flat parcel wrapped neatly in brown paper._

_“Oh, Remus, you didn’t have to,” said Lily, carefully undoing the edges of the paper. Her eyes widened as she revealed a hand-bound book, titled, “The Adventures of Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, & Prongs”. Skimming through the pages, her eyes lit up at the large, brightly colored illustrations that shifted and danced around each page. At the very center of the book, she stopped to admire one in particular, which depicted a stag carefully inspecting a red-haired Fairy princess stepping regally from the center of a large, white lily. “Remus,” she breathed again. “It’s beautiful. I’m sure Harry will love it. Did you do all these yourself?”_  


_Remus’ response was cut off by a shout from the other room. “Oi! Is that Remus? Who let that git in here?” His heart leapt; he followed the voice into the Potters’ sitting room, where Sirius Black was sprawled on the sofa, watching intently as James coerced a bottle into the mouth of a small infant with a tuft of jet-black hair. The baby was no more than a few days old; however, his eyes emerald-green were bright, open and alert as they inspected him curiously._

_“Cute little bugger, isn’t he? I think he takes after his godfather,” Sirius said. Remus laughed and flung one of Sirius’ legs over so he could join him on the sofa. Sirius sat up and continued to gaze intently at James, who seemed to be having difficulty getting Harry to stay focused on his bottle._

_“Lily, there’s something wrong. I think he’s sick. Lily, I’ve broken him, oh God,  I’m doing something wrong. Lily-” James began, looking wildly around. Lily poked her head around the doorframe._

_“He’s probably not hungry yet, darling. I fed him just a while ago. He was probably just fussing so you’d pay attention to him.” As if on cue, Harry began fussing gain. James did his best to comfort the infant, rocking him back and forth and making “sshh” noises low in his throat._

_“Let’s see him, then, James,” Sirius said. James carefully placed Harry in Sirius’ arms, and the baby stopped fussing momentarily, staring up into his godfather’s eyes in bewilderment. “There, now,” Sirius said softly, taken aback, rocking Harry slowly. Remus leaned over and peered at the infant, smiling gently. Sirius grey eyes were wide. His usual jaunty, roguish attitude had evaporated. “Remus, look,” he whispered in wonder. Remus reached out impulsively towards Harry, who stretched out one tiny, pink fist and gripped Remus’ finger. Sirius turned to Remus with the same wide, loving expression… Remus had never seen Sirius look so overcome before… Remus would never forget the warmth that seemed to fill Sirius to bursting, overflowing, as he held his newborn godson for the first time…_

The iron gate clanged shut. Remus shook his head and cleared the last foggy remnants of the memory from his mind; he’d come to Godric’s Hollow for a reason. He craned his neck, peering down the street. In the fading twilight, he could just make out the bumps and ridges of the headstones, silhouetted against the mountains in the distance: the Godric’s Hollow Cemetery.

He felt his heartbeat thudding dully, reverberating through the very core of his body; his legs were leaden as he strode purposefully toward the burial ground, the early evening mist creeping insidiously around his feet. Some said the cemetery was haunted, plagued by shades, shadows, ghosts, and other malevolent spirits. Some insisted that the legends were true, and that the graves were watched over at night by the giant, black, spectral dog known as the Grim. The Grim, whose glowing red eyes contained the burning spark of the very fires of Hell itself. The Grim, whose fangs gleamed white and glistening, even in the darkest night.

The Grim, who sat quite tangibly indeed, Remus noticed,  in front of a large headstone bearing the inscription:

 _“THE LAST ENEMY THAT SHALL BE DESTROYED IS DEATH.”_ JAMES POTTER, 1960 – 1981. LILY EVANS POTTER, 1960 -1981.

A twig snapped beneath Remus’ feet. Instantly, the great bear-like dog emitted a low, rumbling growl. Its ears pricked and it tensed every muscle in its body.

“Heel, boy,” Remus murmured, certain the dog would recognize his voice. The dog relaxed visibly, although its attention was still locked on the headstone. Remus gingerly drew nearer. The shaggy, bear-like creature whined, the pain and longing in its voice almost corporeal, the thin, wavering sound echoing off into the night.

“Padfoot,” Remus tried, reaching out one shaking hand and lightly stroking the dog over one ear. The dog wrenched its shoulders, threw back its head, and let loose a long, drawn out howl of grief. The lines of its body blurred; it stretched and grew, and in a split second Sirius Black stood, shaking and crying silently, over the grave of his best mate, with Remus’ hand pressed between his shoulder blades. Hot tears coursed down Sirius’ face, which was twisted into a grimace of pain. His breath came in soft, abrupt gasps. His fists were clenched at his sides. At long last, he drew a shuddering breath; Remus felt his muscles slacken. Sirius wiped at his eyes with the heel of one hand.

“You shouldn’t be out in the open like this,” Remus said quietly, with no real conviction in his voice. Sirius sighed.

“I just never got to say goodbye properly,” came Sirius’ gravelly whisper. “I just never got to say goodbye, Remus. It was eating me alive.”

“I’m sorry, Sirius.”

Sirius shook his head. “It’s unnatural, Remus. We shouldn’t be separated.” He looked Remus in the eye, then. “None of us should be.”

Remus felt a lump growing at the back of his throat. “Poor, lonely Marauders,” he agreed softly.  Remus slid his hand upwards to the spot where Sirius’ neck met his shoulders, feeling the too-harsh protrusion of Sirius’ collarbone. Sirius’ hand crossed his chest, and brushed the back of Remus’ hand with his fingertips, the barest hint of a smile settling on his lips.

He shivered, then, as a rush of cool night air came and went; instinctively Remus pulled him closer. Sirius’ head bowed slightly, resting the side of his forehead against Remus’ temple.  “I missed you, Moony,” he murmured only just audibly, letting the breeze carry away his confession. “I missed you. James. Lily. Harry… I’ve let them down. I’ve let you down.”

    “Sirius-” Remus started. He turned Sirius by the shoulders to face him. “You didn’t let James or Lily down. No one would’ve suspected Peter… Harry… He might look like James, but he’s just as much Lily as he is his father. He’s a good lad. And Sirius…” here he rested his forehead on Sirius’, cupping Sirius’ face in his hands, “…I never gave up on you.”

Remus could only just make out the flush creeping up Sirius’ sallow face in the pale moonlight. His haunted, hollow eyes slowly traveled downwards, settling on Remus’ mouth. Remus’ heart was yo-yoing between his stomach and his chest; the rhythm of his breathing was erratic and he could hear his pulse rushing through his veins, feel it surging through his body. Sirius closed his eyes, then, and placed one hand gently over Remus’; his brow knit, and he nestled his face slightly into the warmth.

Remus gingerly guided Sirius’s face toward his. He ran his thumb over the coarse stubble of Sirius’ cheek; he allowed himself only to breathe “I missed you, too,” before he closed his eyes. In total darkness, Remus’ exhilaration detonated inside of him; Sirius brushed his lips against Remus’ without warning, once, twice. His arms wound themselves around Remus’ waist, pulling him closer. The press of Sirius’ lips against Remus’ became more insistent. Remus a soft, surprised noise, low in his throat. Sirius snaked one hand into Remus’ hair, pulling gently, at the same time biting down hungrily on Remus’ lower lip.

“I can’t stay,” he breathed, pressing a small kiss against the corner of Remus’ mouth. “They’re looking all over for me, Remus. I can’t stay.”

“I’ll go with you,” Remus mumbled against Sirius’ jaw, “Sirius, please.” Sirius kissed him again, quickly, in succession.

“I couldn’t let you,” Sirius growled. “I couldn’t let you.”

Remus kissed him once more, lingering. Their mouths finally moved apart, and each one stared into the other’s eyes.

Sirius swallowed. He kissed Remus lightly on the forehead, then reluctantly unwrapped his arms from around him.

“Goodbye, Moony. For now.”

Sirius turned slowly, vanishing into the night. Minutes later, Remus followed his shadow across the sky, as it veered out of sight. He gulped down the lump in the back of his throat.

He was getting too old for this. 


End file.
